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Wednesday, October 31, 2012
If you know how to worry....
Several years ago I heard a pastor say "If you know how to worry, you know how to pray". What a powerful statement!! Lately I've found myself spending a lot of time thinking about the gunman that's running around in this area. I've downloaded police scanner app to both my cell phone and computer and have spent hours listening to it, wondering if every car stop or every call the police go on is this animal. He has really brought new fear to this overly peaceful area. People are changing the routes they drive to work or the grocery store so they don't have to drive the on the expressway. Despite all the shootings being during the day, people are talking about how they aren't going out at night or how they are avoiding doing things they normally do, like taking their daily walk. The police said that people in the community are 'seeing' the shooter all over the place and calling in with leads. What is really happening is that they think they see someone fitting the description and so make the call. So far, he is still on the run, terrorizing the community.
Today, I had to make a trip to the kids school to drop some stuff for a Halloween party and as I was driving out of the parking lot, a black car pulled in and the driver, to me, looked similar to the police sketch. I quickly turned on my police scanner, did a U-turn and went back to the school just as the man was walking in. His hands were both in the front pocket of his hoodie and he looked a bit suspicious. I sat in the parking lot, shaking and heart racing, listening to make sure a call didn't come in.
As I was driving home, the above quote came flooding to mind. What was I thinking? What did me sitting in the parking lot, worrying, help? Me worrying, wasn't going to help my kids if something DID happen. Me worrying, wasn't solving anything.
Worrying comes so easily to so many of us. It's almost as if it's engrained in us. And if we come from a home where there was constant worry, we tend to be even bigger worry warts. Deep within the human brain is the limbic system, the area of emotion. When we are in a threatening situation, the amygdala is fired up and we go into a state known as 'flight or fight'. In this state, hormones such as epinephrine (ie. adrenaline) are released and our pupils constrict, our hair stands on end and our digestive system shuts down to preserve energy, just to name a few changes. When we live our entire lives full of worry, we live in a constant 'fight or flight' state. Our bodies are always in a heightened state of alert, which is not the way God intended us to live.
I'm not one to throw a lot of Bible verses at a problem or use a lot of Christian catch phrases and cliches. However, all through the Bible, we are told not to worry. I believe that it wasn't to make us better Christians or to make us 'prayer warriors'. I believe that we are given these verses as a step towards healthier living-body, mind and spirit. I believe that by living a life free of worry, we are able to focus our attention on other things, such as being a blessing to those around us and helping those in need. It's hard to fully help those around us when we are in constant worry, fight or flight....and just trying to get away from the problems we are facing. Worry is an incredibly selfish, self centered lifestyle when you get right down to it
We all know the verse in Matthew that says:
Today, I had to make a trip to the kids school to drop some stuff for a Halloween party and as I was driving out of the parking lot, a black car pulled in and the driver, to me, looked similar to the police sketch. I quickly turned on my police scanner, did a U-turn and went back to the school just as the man was walking in. His hands were both in the front pocket of his hoodie and he looked a bit suspicious. I sat in the parking lot, shaking and heart racing, listening to make sure a call didn't come in.
As I was driving home, the above quote came flooding to mind. What was I thinking? What did me sitting in the parking lot, worrying, help? Me worrying, wasn't going to help my kids if something DID happen. Me worrying, wasn't solving anything.
Worrying comes so easily to so many of us. It's almost as if it's engrained in us. And if we come from a home where there was constant worry, we tend to be even bigger worry warts. Deep within the human brain is the limbic system, the area of emotion. When we are in a threatening situation, the amygdala is fired up and we go into a state known as 'flight or fight'. In this state, hormones such as epinephrine (ie. adrenaline) are released and our pupils constrict, our hair stands on end and our digestive system shuts down to preserve energy, just to name a few changes. When we live our entire lives full of worry, we live in a constant 'fight or flight' state. Our bodies are always in a heightened state of alert, which is not the way God intended us to live.
I'm not one to throw a lot of Bible verses at a problem or use a lot of Christian catch phrases and cliches. However, all through the Bible, we are told not to worry. I believe that it wasn't to make us better Christians or to make us 'prayer warriors'. I believe that we are given these verses as a step towards healthier living-body, mind and spirit. I believe that by living a life free of worry, we are able to focus our attention on other things, such as being a blessing to those around us and helping those in need. It's hard to fully help those around us when we are in constant worry, fight or flight....and just trying to get away from the problems we are facing. Worry is an incredibly selfish, self centered lifestyle when you get right down to it
We all know the verse in Matthew that says:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
We also know the verse in the same passage that says: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Isiah tells us:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 112:7 is one of the my all time favorites!
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
But what does the Bible teach us about actually overcoming these worries and fears? We aren't just going to wake up one morning and be free of all fear. It, just like worrying, takes effort. Psalm 34 says:I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.
I Peter tells us:
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
We also see:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Overcoming worry and anxiety takes work. It's a daily effort to put our trust in God, to rely on him, to know that He has a plan. When we find ourselves in that moment of worry, it takes a switch our brain to go from an active state of worry to place of prayer and meditation.
Action Step: If you find yourself in a constant state of worry, wondering about the bills, the kids at school, the weather tomorrow, I challenge you to begin to take some steps toward a more worry free life. Start by writing out verses on worry, anxiety and fear on an index card and putting them around your house. You can also write the verses on your bathroom mirror with a sharpie marker. Don't worry, it'll come off when you are ready to take it down, or change verses.
Start your journey to living a more worry free, prayer filled life!
For a great list of verses on worry free living, check out Women's Bible Cafe
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
~*~Tuesday Tantrums~*~ 10/30/12
Tuesday Tantrums
I hate that there is a madman on the loose in the area and he has been evading the police for 2 weeks. He has now shot at 25 different vehicles and they don't have too much to go on yet.
I hate that I was reading on Facebook today and someone was talking about the police scanner and that there was another shooting. I found a link for a local scanner online and spent the next hour listening. Supposedly it was a murder-suicide about 15 minutes from here. They talked about the doors being blocked and that they were going to have to break in. My heart sunk when they said "Man down. Looks like victim and perp both are down". They then talked about where they will transport them. Turns out it was a training exercise! While I'm relieved that no one was hurt, the emotional roller-coaster that it put me through is ridiculous!!!!
I hate that this political season is bringing out the ugliness in people! Yesterday I got into a 'discussion' on Facebook and after the person basically told me that I racist. The discussion was how Romney doesn't understand his community. Really, he was saying that Romney doesn't understand his RACE.
I pressed him on the issue and asked him what he meant. He stated "The Black community. That's where my heart is. Like the panthers in the 70s, I would like to start movement that can reach every community. So with that being said, I start with my race first but my community reaches much further than that." Funny though because when I pressed further and asked about me supporting "my community" first, I was basically told that would make me prejudiced. When will we get past race??? When will we realize that it's not only white people that can be racist and that, in fact, things like the Panthers, BET, NAACP, Morehouse & Spellman Colleges are just as racist as the KKK or Michigan Militia. This is probably my biggest tantrum right now!
I hate that during this political season, if you aren't supporting a candidate or proposal you are against someone and their beliefs. I've researched my candidates and proposals and I've come to my conclusions on what i feel is best for my family, my 'community' (to quote above), my profession I am somehow wrong or against everyone else who has differening opinions.
Carved Pumpkins
I love Halloween! Every year, our house is full of pumpkins and fall leaves and cider & donuts and freshness of fall. I love watching the kids dress up in costumes and take on a different persona, if only for a day. It's fun to watch their personalities become the character they are dressed up as.
And pumpkin carving! Oh the mess, but oh the joy of watching something develop and be created on the round orange canvas. Usually the oldest two work together, the middle 2 create theirs and hubby helps with youngest, but this year I decided to let each kid try to carve their own. Jacob had gone to a pumpkin patch with his class a few weeks ago and we had hunted out the perfect little carving pumpkin for a 5 year old.
The stage was set. The pumpkins laid out on the table and the search for designs ensued. My oldest son (age 14) is in marching band at school and we decided to try to create his band mascot on his pumpkin.My oldest daughter (age 11) is an avid animal lover so she chose a puppy dog to put on hers. The 10 year old loves MSU so a Spartan was her choice; the 8 year old loves skulls and skeletons so a skull face won and the youngest, well he just wanted a somewhat scary face.
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The kids got right to work. Even Jacob jumped right in and got his hands dirty. Of course, hubby couldn't just help without adding to the mess. Oh no....instead, he decided to take the opportunity to teach the kids how to shoot pumpkin seeds at each other. (I'm STILL finding seeds all around the diningroom and livingroom!)
When it was all said and done, we had 5 fabulous pumpkins, and one that said "MOM". Yep, that was about all the creativity I could muster at the time. The pumpkins now sit on the front porch, in the cold, rainy Michigan weather, awaiting Halloween and the guests who will come buy to see them.
The stage was set. The pumpkins laid out on the table and the search for designs ensued. My oldest son (age 14) is in marching band at school and we decided to try to create his band mascot on his pumpkin.My oldest daughter (age 11) is an avid animal lover so she chose a puppy dog to put on hers. The 10 year old loves MSU so a Spartan was her choice; the 8 year old loves skulls and skeletons so a skull face won and the youngest, well he just wanted a somewhat scary face.
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The kids got right to work. Even Jacob jumped right in and got his hands dirty. Of course, hubby couldn't just help without adding to the mess. Oh no....instead, he decided to take the opportunity to teach the kids how to shoot pumpkin seeds at each other. (I'm STILL finding seeds all around the diningroom and livingroom!)
When it was all said and done, we had 5 fabulous pumpkins, and one that said "MOM". Yep, that was about all the creativity I could muster at the time. The pumpkins now sit on the front porch, in the cold, rainy Michigan weather, awaiting Halloween and the guests who will come buy to see them.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hermit Day meets International Internet Day
I'll admit that I tend to be a hermit and love sitting home and enjoying my house. I get in these moods where I don't want to see anyone, talk to anyone or hear anyone else's voices (except for the voices on my tv). October 29 marks both Hermit Day and International Internet Day. Ironic? Maybe. With the invention of the internet, it brought the entire world into our homes and at the convenience of our fingertips. It makes it easy to close ourselves off from people and yet still feel like we are being social.
I have to remind myself often that God made us to be social beings. He made us need relationships. He created us to be in relationship with HIM. When he created woman, he said "It is good for man not to be alone". Man needed relationship. The Bible also says "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.-- Ecclesiastes 4:12"
Over the past couple of years, I've come to realize that good friendships don't come easily. I've struggled at times as I've worked to define those relationships in my life and prioritized them. Back in June I went to a seminar that dealt with a very in depth certification of a form of life coaching called NeuroLinguistic Programming. One of the topics we dealt with was called Hierarchy of Relationships. During this exercise, we were told to categorize our relationships into categories: strangers, acquaintances, friends, peers and cabinet.
We had to define what each of these 5 layers looked like and create rules around each one as to what is our role and what is the other persons role. For instance a stranger is someone we don't know. The only real requirement is that they are breathing and in a place location that we are. An acquaintance is likely someone we have something in common with; it could be a mom at our kids soccer game or someone we see at church. Friends are someone a little closer. We've met them and had discussions with them possibly. Peers are people we see often and are closer friends with. They likely are there when we need them and we are there for them. A requirement in this might be that they will never lie to us or harm our family and we would do the same with them. Our inner cabinet will be our inner circle. They are the ones who will drop anything to help us if we need it. They are the ones that we call on in the middle of the night when we have a death in the family or something tragic has happened. They are also the ones that we work with for our personal growth. We can run ideas by them and know they will help us with those inner struggles and not judge us.
Understanding our relationships in this way really helps to solidify the relationships in our lives. For those of us who tend to have our hermit moments, understanding our friendships in this way really shows us where to spend out time. So, on this Hermit Day, I challenge you to really evaluate the relationships around you. Create your hierarchy and what rules and requirements are necessary for each level, then place every one you know into one of the layers-every family member, church friend, neighbor, etc. You may find that your spouse isn't even in your cabinet, and that's ok.
I truly believe you will find this exercise as freeing as I did! I found that many of my relationships were one sided and that it was ok for me to stop trying so hard to save friendships that weren't really there. Some of those I have thought to be 'close friends' actually ended up in my acquaintances or friends instead of my peers and cabinet. And that's ok too!
If you do this exercise, I'd love to hear from you and find out how it affected you and what you learned from it.
Read it. Follow it. Comment on it. Share it. (See that button up there on the right? PUSH IT and follow me!)
I have to remind myself often that God made us to be social beings. He made us need relationships. He created us to be in relationship with HIM. When he created woman, he said "It is good for man not to be alone". Man needed relationship. The Bible also says "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.-- Ecclesiastes 4:12"
Over the past couple of years, I've come to realize that good friendships don't come easily. I've struggled at times as I've worked to define those relationships in my life and prioritized them. Back in June I went to a seminar that dealt with a very in depth certification of a form of life coaching called NeuroLinguistic Programming. One of the topics we dealt with was called Hierarchy of Relationships. During this exercise, we were told to categorize our relationships into categories: strangers, acquaintances, friends, peers and cabinet.
We had to define what each of these 5 layers looked like and create rules around each one as to what is our role and what is the other persons role. For instance a stranger is someone we don't know. The only real requirement is that they are breathing and in a place location that we are. An acquaintance is likely someone we have something in common with; it could be a mom at our kids soccer game or someone we see at church. Friends are someone a little closer. We've met them and had discussions with them possibly. Peers are people we see often and are closer friends with. They likely are there when we need them and we are there for them. A requirement in this might be that they will never lie to us or harm our family and we would do the same with them. Our inner cabinet will be our inner circle. They are the ones who will drop anything to help us if we need it. They are the ones that we call on in the middle of the night when we have a death in the family or something tragic has happened. They are also the ones that we work with for our personal growth. We can run ideas by them and know they will help us with those inner struggles and not judge us.
Understanding our relationships in this way really helps to solidify the relationships in our lives. For those of us who tend to have our hermit moments, understanding our friendships in this way really shows us where to spend out time. So, on this Hermit Day, I challenge you to really evaluate the relationships around you. Create your hierarchy and what rules and requirements are necessary for each level, then place every one you know into one of the layers-every family member, church friend, neighbor, etc. You may find that your spouse isn't even in your cabinet, and that's ok.
I truly believe you will find this exercise as freeing as I did! I found that many of my relationships were one sided and that it was ok for me to stop trying so hard to save friendships that weren't really there. Some of those I have thought to be 'close friends' actually ended up in my acquaintances or friends instead of my peers and cabinet. And that's ok too!
If you do this exercise, I'd love to hear from you and find out how it affected you and what you learned from it.
Read it. Follow it. Comment on it. Share it. (See that button up there on the right? PUSH IT and follow me!)
Sunday, October 28, 2012
National Chocolate Day
In honor of this amazing holiday, I'm sharing a few of my favorites from Pinterest
Mile High Chocolate Cake
For all the gluten free fans, here's one for you!
And for the paleo fans how about a chocolate donut??
I hope you had a great National Chocolate Day and that you will share with us your favorite chocolate recipes & desserts!
I hope you had a great National Chocolate Day and that you will share with us your favorite chocolate recipes & desserts!
Funeral Procession-by Ellis Wilson
Growing up, I remember seeing this picture on wall at the Huxtables house. It was part of just about every household in America for years. It always hung on their wall in their living room but was never really discussed; it just 'was'. Today I happened to see the picture online and decided to look it up, not realizing that it was supposed to be a funeral procession, which happens to also be the name of the piece. On the Cosby Show, Claire Huxtable supposedly won the picture in an auction for $11,000! She claimed that the picture was created by her great uncle Ellis (Ellis Wilson is the creator of the piece). According to Wikipedia, the most that any Ellis Wilson painting went for was $300 so the price that Claire paid was quite extravagant!
What a great piece though. Looking closely you see that there are no faces; no expressions; no emotions. In understanding the days of slavery, many of the slaves weren't allowed to have weddings or funerals or parties or show much emotion. The faceless people, to me, represent the people who lost their names, their families, their true identities due to slavery. The piece also shows children standing with their parents and family, which follows up my post about the importance of kids being at funerals. It also seems to show a long line of funeral goers coming to say their goodbyes. This was a very loved person at this funeral. Each woman is bringing flowers to adorn the body and graveside as they come to say their goodbyes and pay their respect.
I fell in love with this picture thanks to the Cosby Show and still love it to this day. I used to dream that it was hanging in my house, and still would love to have it as a piece of artwork someday. It's always spoken volumes to my heart.
~*~Sunday Simplicity~*~ 10/28/12
10 things I learned this week about death &funerals:
10. Funeral homes still smell funny.
9. Getting the family ready to go is as bad as a Sunday morning. There WILL be arguments and fighting and you WILL run late.
8. Family members who haven't been around for YEARS will suddenly show up, crying and emotional, and acting like they always cared.
7. Funeral processions are an accident waiting to happen! Driving behind an off duty police officer makes it even worse. Speed up, slam on the brakes. Repeat.
6. Everyone will 'know you when you were this big' but have no clue who you are now.
5. Funerals are full of cliches, but so many people rely on those for comfort and peace so they become part of every Christian funeral.
4. People will surprise you. The ones you expect to be there for you, aren't and the ones you never expect, show up! You will quickly learn a lot about the relationships in your life.
3. People really mean the best when they give you a hug and say "I'm so sorry for your loss"
2. Death is final, but memories are not.
1. Raw emotions are incredibly powerful and can overtake you at any time. There is a quote I found that says “Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.”
Yes, I took a picture at the cemetery.
10. Funeral homes still smell funny.
9. Getting the family ready to go is as bad as a Sunday morning. There WILL be arguments and fighting and you WILL run late.
8. Family members who haven't been around for YEARS will suddenly show up, crying and emotional, and acting like they always cared.
7. Funeral processions are an accident waiting to happen! Driving behind an off duty police officer makes it even worse. Speed up, slam on the brakes. Repeat.
6. Everyone will 'know you when you were this big' but have no clue who you are now.
5. Funerals are full of cliches, but so many people rely on those for comfort and peace so they become part of every Christian funeral.
4. People will surprise you. The ones you expect to be there for you, aren't and the ones you never expect, show up! You will quickly learn a lot about the relationships in your life.
3. People really mean the best when they give you a hug and say "I'm so sorry for your loss"
2. Death is final, but memories are not.
1. Raw emotions are incredibly powerful and can overtake you at any time. There is a quote I found that says “Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.”
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Autumn is full of "F words"
Fall has always been my favorite time in Michigan and something I missed while in Georgia. The cool crisp air, the frost on the ground, the cool winds and rainy days. I saw a status of a friend on Facebook today that said "This status brought to you by the letter F: Flannel Pajamas, Fuzzy sweatshirt, furry slippers and fire in the fireplace." Grant it, she's in Tennessee, but I thought that this was the perfect status for a Michigan fall. Tonight, as my kids are curled up under blankets watching Cars 2 for the millionth time, I have on my fuzzy pj pants, my furry socks, my fluffy sweatshirt and my husband just built a fire in the fireplace. It's nights like these, that no matter what the bank account may say, no matter how much fighting the kids did through the day, no matter what turmoils have gone on....all seems right with the world!
Autumn has a smell that is unique only to it's days. The scent of autumn brings with it such a warmth in the soul. The smell of the fresh earth, the harvest happening, the leaves burning in a pile; the smell of fresh pumpkin pie or apple cider. While the winds begin to turn colder, the smells of this season are warm and inviting. Such a friendly, inviting time of year.
“At no other time (than autumn) does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
Kids at funerals
Yesterday we buried my grandma after a long bought with Alzheimer's disease. I'll admit to not having seen her in 10 years when she moved from Michigan to Tennessee. I couldn't bring myself to watch as this disease slowly took her away from us. As she got worse, she would tell my mom and dad that I had come to visit her. At first they would try to convince her that I didn't and that I lived in Georgia (at the time). My mom one time asked her what I was wearing and she mentioned a little white dress and bonnet. There is a picture of me in a little white dress and bonnet playing the piano at her old house when I was maybe 2 years old. Grandma was going back and remembering me as a baby and really thought that I was visiting her. We no longer argued that I wasn't there. If she believed it, and it made her happy, then let her think I was really coming to visit. Seeing me as an adult would just confuse her more.
I wasn't going to take the kids to the funeral as they would have to miss a day of school, inevitably have work to make up, and give me one more thing to have to deal with at the funeral, but I decided that I really needed to take them, not only for the kids but also for the other family and guests. I think that kids at funerals have a way of reminding us that life, does in fact, go on. If it wasn't for my grandma, my kids wouldn't be here...my dad wouldn't be alive, which means that I wouldn't, and therefore my kids wouldn't. My grandma's heritage is in her grandkids and great grandkids.....all 9 grandkids and 18 great grandkids
Kids also have a way of lightening up a mood at a funeral. When we went up to the casket, my kids, the youngest of whom had never met my grandma, stood there staring at the body with some confusion and concern in their eyes. We talked about death and I explained it by using an analogy of a glove. When we take our hand out of the glove, the glove is still there, but the hand inside it is gone. The same is true with death. When someone dies, they leave their body. The body is still there, but the person them self is with Jesus. After we sat back down, Jacob asked me if he could go back up to the casket and look again. I told him that he didn't need to and asked him why he wanted to. He took a deep breath and said "Because I need to make some more memories of her". I had to giggle a bit but told him we'd look at some pictures and talk about some memories. After the funeral was over, he asked me where Papa (my dad) was and that he had to go find him. I pointed him in the direction and he gave my dad a huge hug and said "Papa, I'm so sorry about your mom. But don't worry. She's safe with Jesus now". It's these moments at a funeral that help us smile. Kids can be so in tune with the spirit world and so in tune with emotions and feelings.
Kids also have a way of lightening up a mood at a funeral. When we went up to the casket, my kids, the youngest of whom had never met my grandma, stood there staring at the body with some confusion and concern in their eyes. We talked about death and I explained it by using an analogy of a glove. When we take our hand out of the glove, the glove is still there, but the hand inside it is gone. The same is true with death. When someone dies, they leave their body. The body is still there, but the person them self is with Jesus. After we sat back down, Jacob asked me if he could go back up to the casket and look again. I told him that he didn't need to and asked him why he wanted to. He took a deep breath and said "Because I need to make some more memories of her". I had to giggle a bit but told him we'd look at some pictures and talk about some memories. After the funeral was over, he asked me where Papa (my dad) was and that he had to go find him. I pointed him in the direction and he gave my dad a huge hug and said "Papa, I'm so sorry about your mom. But don't worry. She's safe with Jesus now". It's these moments at a funeral that help us smile. Kids can be so in tune with the spirit world and so in tune with emotions and feelings.
Then there are the downright humerous moments. My cousins little boy is 6. He's watched grandma go through the battle with this disease as he lived near her in TN and saw her often. As he and my nephew (age 5) were standing by the casket at the wake, my nephew was a bit wide eyed and concerned. My cousins little boy comes up and says "She looks great! You should have seen her before!" It's a moment we will talk about for a long time.
Carson was right! Grandma truly did look great! The funeral home did a great job with preparing her and she looked just like the grandma that I remember. As I look back on the day, the flowers were beautiful, but will quickly be forgotten. The service was nice, but not something I'll remember 5 years down the road. But the things my kids said and did will live with me forever. I think it's important for them to see the raw emotions that happen at funerals. I think it's important for them to start to form an understanding of life and death. I think it's an important part of family dynamics to have the kids around. It's important to also have an understanding of the child and their ability to cope at the funeral and there are several important things to know and remember when making the decision on whether to bring the kids.
1. Kids often don't have the fear of a deceased body that adults think they do. While they may be a bit stand offish or stand back several feet from the body, they often have an intrigue and once it's explained, they settle in and embrace the situation.
2. Remember that young kids understand things on a very simplistic level. Don't try to over complicate with too many details and information. Give information as kids seem to be asking for it.
3. Allow the child a say in the process. If when the family goes up to the casket, if the child seems to not be handling the situation as well as hoped, do not force them to go up with you. Allow them to sit in their seat until you return. Kids often know better than we do what they are able to handle in a situation like this one.
4. Prepare the child ahead of time as much as is possible. Kids like to have the 'facts' and understand the basics. Who, what, when, where and why go a long ways in explaining the details. Explain to them who all will be there and what will be happening at each step. For my kids, we explained on the way that they would see a lot of people crying because this is a sad day for many people. We explained that their great grandma would be laying in a big 'box' and that she would look like she was sleeping. When we sat down in the service, I explained to them what was going to happen next. I talked about the pastor was going to talk to us about grandma and heaven and her being with Jesus now. At the end of the service, I explained that now everyone was going to be dismissed and they would walk past the casket to say their last goodbyes and that the family would stay behind to say our goodbyes together. When we were leaving the funeral home for the cemetery we stopped for a second to look into the back of the hearse and explained they would put grandma in the back and drive very slowly to the cemetery There were lots of questions on the way about why we were able to go through the red lights, why we were driving so slowly, etc.
5. Allow children the freedom to ask questions.
6. I believe that it's important to have kids at a funeral of someone who they may not be as 'close to' in the beginning. By exposing them to the process and the emotions, it allows them to better understand, and have fewer questions, down the road when they may have to attend a funeral for someone closer to them such as a grandparent, a classmate or close family friend.
7. Lastly, remember that kids grieve in their own way. Some of them may cry, and that's ok. My 11 year old didn't know my grandma, but just the raw emotions of those around her affected her. She saw my mom crying and went over and hugged her and as she was hugging her, a tear trickled down my daughters cheek. Each child needs the freedom to grieve in the way they see fit, just as we as adults all grieve differently.
The kids will be kids but the compassion they can bring and the emotions they can share can live on forever in the heart of the grieving.
My Grandma's Obituary: Grandma, We love you!!!
HIBBS, VICTORIA (Wilkinson Lokey); of Ashland City, Tennessee, formerly of Pontiac; went home to be with her Lord on October 22, 2012; at the age of 83. Preceded in death by her husband, Raymond M. Hibbs; and her daughter, Rachel Cross; loving mother of Raymond D. (Julie) of Pleasant View, Tennessee, Ronald (Roberta) of Waterford, and Michael of Pleasant View, Tennessee; mother-in-law of Charles Cross of Pontiac; beloved grandmother of 9 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren; also survived by her husband, James Lokey; and sisters, Marguerite Stuart, Mildred McCarrick, Vivian Mettler; and many nieces and nephews. Victoria worked at several area restaurants and apartment complexes before moving to Tennessee ten years ago. Funeral Services will be Friday, October 26, 2012, 11 a.m. at the RIVERSIDE CHAPEL, Simpson-Modetz Funeral Home, 5630 Pontiac Lake Road, Waterford. Officiating Pastor Roger Sykes and Pastor Michael Elliott. The family will receive friends at the funeral home Thursday 3 to 8 p.m. Interment Perry Mount Park Cemetery. Memorials may be made to Avalon Hospice. Online guestbook
www.modetzfuneralhomes.com
My Grandma's Obituary: Grandma, We love you!!!
HIBBS, VICTORIA (Wilkinson Lokey); of Ashland City, Tennessee, formerly of Pontiac; went home to be with her Lord on October 22, 2012; at the age of 83. Preceded in death by her husband, Raymond M. Hibbs; and her daughter, Rachel Cross; loving mother of Raymond D. (Julie) of Pleasant View, Tennessee, Ronald (Roberta) of Waterford, and Michael of Pleasant View, Tennessee; mother-in-law of Charles Cross of Pontiac; beloved grandmother of 9 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren; also survived by her husband, James Lokey; and sisters, Marguerite Stuart, Mildred McCarrick, Vivian Mettler; and many nieces and nephews. Victoria worked at several area restaurants and apartment complexes before moving to Tennessee ten years ago. Funeral Services will be Friday, October 26, 2012, 11 a.m. at the RIVERSIDE CHAPEL, Simpson-Modetz Funeral Home, 5630 Pontiac Lake Road, Waterford. Officiating Pastor Roger Sykes and Pastor Michael Elliott. The family will receive friends at the funeral home Thursday 3 to 8 p.m. Interment Perry Mount Park Cemetery. Memorials may be made to Avalon Hospice. Online guestbook www.modetzfuneralhomes.com
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