Life of Compassion

Today, as we begin a brand new year, I had planned to really start to enjoy life, look for the daily miracles and things to be thankful for and begin blogging on a more regular basis about those small miracles and pleasures of life. God had an interesting part to play, as He always does. I received a message from an acquaintance that stated she needed to let me know that a mutual friend had either committed suicide or was in the process of committing suicide. Some mutual friends were on the way to her house to check on her. When the police and paramedics got to the house, she was definitely in a drugged up state. Nothing would be done, however, because she was conscious and didn't want to go to the hospital. The friends spent some time with her and called me to come and join them. I raced over to the house and was shocked with what I saw. Here was a house that hadn't been cleaned in awhile, dirty dishes piled everywhere, covered in mold, coffee grounds and cigarette ashes covering every square inch of the kitchen. She had not eaten in 2 days, and I'm assuming by the incredible dog urine smell and the piles of feces in the office, that the dogs hadn't been taken care of for several days either. My heart sunk as I walked down the hallway to find my friend, lying in her bed in a drugged stupor. This is not what a new year is meant to be! I began talking to her, taking over for those who were in the room and giving them a break. I laid down next to her in bed and began to rub her head, partially to calm her, but also to check for bumps as she had fallen 3x the night before. 

I had just set out today to begin the "One Thousand Gifts" adventure. When I logged on to one of the blogs I follow, I was shocked to find reference to the book. The blog post started with "You are worthless". "All you do is disappoint people". "You will never be enough". These are the demons in my head. And in the minds of the children we serve. Rich or poor, Satan wants to entrap us. For the children we serve, Satan wants to convince them that the absence of material wealth equals the absence of love from a Heavenly Father. For those of us in the developed world, that negative voice might be just as loud, but for different reasons.

Years ago, I began making agreements with evil. I listened to these voices spouting hatred at me, these voices saying there was nothing special about me. Believing the lies led to crippling despair.

All I could think about was how bad I am. Shame overwhelmed. I felt trapped inside of myself.

Paralyzed.

All I could do was lie on the couch, watching the beautiful and exciting people on TV. Criticizing myself that my life wasn’t as interesting as the characters I saw, or that I could never fit into an actress’s tiny dress." Courtesy of Compassion International: http://blog.compassion.com/ann-voskamp-one-thousand-gifts-the-key-that-unlocks/#ixzz1iGa8JGcJ

These are the voices my friend has been hearing. The voices of defeat and loneliness, despair and hopelessness. Satan wants to keep us in the state, where we are desperate, but where the true answers to help us are blurred by his lies. As I was seeking God tonight, trying to find meaning in this crazy start to the new year, He clearly said that 2011 was a bad year for many, but especially my friend. For her, as for many around us, it was a year of death. He reminded me of Ecclesiastes and the idea of a time for everything. She tried to end her 2011 by ending her own life, killing the death that was destroying her. For her 2012 entered in at just the right time and sustained her. Life won again! For her, 2012 is a year of life. Her strength in her lungs, her beating heart, the small pulsings of her brain were stronger than the death she tried to induce and the voices that tried to kill her.  2012 is about life anew!

What about me, Oh God? What is the meaning of today for me? His answer was that it's about compassion and servanthood....two things I'm not that great in. It's about GIVING that life to those around me! Unleashing beauty and helping others to realize their truths. What a tall order!   It's going to be one that is going to have to be a daily surrender on my part. A journey of having to build myself up in Jesus so that I am filled and ready to give it all to those around me. It's a gift....one that I'm being given, in order to give away. 

Praying a blessed 2012 for those who may read this. I hope you will follow me on this journey, and when I slack off on my posts, remind me to get back in the game and revive the broken around me.