I found a journal entry that I wrote about a year ago. I figured I'd share it because I think so many can relate!

I have to the world's worst mom. I love my kids, I really do, but I don't always like them. Today is one of those days. The kids had me to tears tonight. The defiance, the disobedience, the screaming the fighting. All I could do was yell back. My patience was gone. My sanity, pushed to the brink. I was done! I wanted out! I tried so hard today. I got the girls lip gloss. I did their makeup. I played in the sandbox with Micah. I tried to do things with them to keep them busy and active and all of us being together.

A mom wants the perfect child. We look at them as a baby and have big dreams. dreams of perfect grades, beautiful looks, athletic, the works. We have the polite, well loved, obedient child with exceptional manners that amaze everyone. Pipe dreams? Maybe, but it's what we all dream of when we look at our small baby. As they grow older, they learn to push every button that we have. They smart off, argue, fight. They backtalk, scream, get angry. And we lose it.

We hate this side of us. We hate that we yell and scream back. We hate that we can't be the perfect mom who has all the answers on how to raise that perfect child. It's not necessarily the child though, it's us. If we could just figure out how to correct our children, point them in the right direction, and keep our cool while doing it, these stages would end quickly and we could all move forward. My anger pushed my children further. My screaming made their screaming and fighting first. I didn't keep my cool and that only made matters worse.

How can we become the moms we want to be? How can we have the child that we dreamed of? We hear that consistancy is the key, but when we don't know what that looks like, we don't even know where to start. Dr Phil often has moms watch videos of themselves, which leads to them breaking down and crying. Most of us don't have the option of seeing ourself on video though. So, start your day by looking in the mirror every morning. Talk to yourself. Give yourself a pep talk. When the kids get out of control in the afternoon and you feel yourself losing your mind, tell them you are going to your room for a minute. Take 5 minutes to again look yourself in the mirror and get your head on straight. I have a friend who is swearing by playing praise music in her house in the mornings while getting the kids ready for school, that they are much more controlled and things go more smoothly. That's my plan of attack for this week.

So, know that if you feel this way, that you love your children, but don't really like them, that you aren't a horrible person! You are a mom and you are normal. You aren't in this alone, but we can all become better moms through encouragement of each other. If you had ideas or help tips, I'd love to hear them. Leave me a comment!!! :)