Parent Teacher Conferences

Does anyone dread this day as much as I do? Why is it that I always feel like "I" am the one being graded? I feel like I'm being graded on my parenting, how clean my kids are, how much I push them in school, their behavior, etc etc etc. With having 5 kids, each kid has a totally different personality, but a teacher in class only sees one kid so bases all their ideals about the family on that one child's performance and behavior.

I wake up this morning, absolutely dreading this day. I spent extra time in the bathroom curling my hair, doing my makeup and getting ready. "Put on your best face" is all I kept thinking. I had class today myself so went to school for a few hours then races back home to change into something a bit more classy (ok, not really....jeans and a cute sweater with a long necklace down the front, clunky black boots, adorable beaded bracelets that match my sweater). I check the mirror again. CRAP! Need some more style to the hair so quickly throw in a few more minutes at the mirror before I race to the school. Sunglasses are propped nicely on top of my head to add to my 'cuteness'. I'm ready!!!

Walking down the hall, I felt like I was going to the principal's office. The nerves were there. I know the kids are all good kids, and that they are smart, but there is still that "What if" playing out in my mind. This is the day that I may have to full admit to the world that I'm NOT SuperMom.

Teacher #1 greets me and we make small talk before getting down to business. All in all the conferences have gone well so far. 3 down 1 to go. I'm currently sitting at Panera, grabbing some lunch and preparing for my 4th conference of the day. This is the one I'm probably dreading the most!! It's the Middle School conference and my middle schooler has really struggled this last quarter. I believe that in the district we live in, which puts so much emphasis on performance in academics, that most of the parents probably do the homework FOR their kids. There is no way that the kids are doing some of this middle school work.

Question:

When you have parent teacher conferences, who goes? You or the kids dad? I can't think of a time that Tim has gone with me and I made the decision today that this is changing with the next ones later this year (if they have them). Why do "I" have to admit I'm that I'm not a super hero? I think it's time he joins my world....

I hate potty training

Jacob is 3 and probably should be potty trained by now, but I'm a realist and know that most kids REALLY aren't ready until about this age, unless of course you can take all day everyday for a few days in a row. Jacob is definitely showing interest, but he just can't figure it out. He'll all of the sudden yell "I have to pee in potty potty" and it's so cute. On Sunday I put some Tigger underwear on him and told him that he needed to keep Tigger dry. About 15 minutes later I hear him screaming "OH NO!!!" I ran up to the kitchen to see him standing in a puddle. I said "Oh no, Jacob. What happened??" He responds with "Tigger Peed!"

I found a journal entry that I wrote about a year ago. I figured I'd share it because I think so many can relate!

I have to the world's worst mom. I love my kids, I really do, but I don't always like them. Today is one of those days. The kids had me to tears tonight. The defiance, the disobedience, the screaming the fighting. All I could do was yell back. My patience was gone. My sanity, pushed to the brink. I was done! I wanted out! I tried so hard today. I got the girls lip gloss. I did their makeup. I played in the sandbox with Micah. I tried to do things with them to keep them busy and active and all of us being together.

A mom wants the perfect child. We look at them as a baby and have big dreams. dreams of perfect grades, beautiful looks, athletic, the works. We have the polite, well loved, obedient child with exceptional manners that amaze everyone. Pipe dreams? Maybe, but it's what we all dream of when we look at our small baby. As they grow older, they learn to push every button that we have. They smart off, argue, fight. They backtalk, scream, get angry. And we lose it.

We hate this side of us. We hate that we yell and scream back. We hate that we can't be the perfect mom who has all the answers on how to raise that perfect child. It's not necessarily the child though, it's us. If we could just figure out how to correct our children, point them in the right direction, and keep our cool while doing it, these stages would end quickly and we could all move forward. My anger pushed my children further. My screaming made their screaming and fighting first. I didn't keep my cool and that only made matters worse.

How can we become the moms we want to be? How can we have the child that we dreamed of? We hear that consistancy is the key, but when we don't know what that looks like, we don't even know where to start. Dr Phil often has moms watch videos of themselves, which leads to them breaking down and crying. Most of us don't have the option of seeing ourself on video though. So, start your day by looking in the mirror every morning. Talk to yourself. Give yourself a pep talk. When the kids get out of control in the afternoon and you feel yourself losing your mind, tell them you are going to your room for a minute. Take 5 minutes to again look yourself in the mirror and get your head on straight. I have a friend who is swearing by playing praise music in her house in the mornings while getting the kids ready for school, that they are much more controlled and things go more smoothly. That's my plan of attack for this week.

So, know that if you feel this way, that you love your children, but don't really like them, that you aren't a horrible person! You are a mom and you are normal. You aren't in this alone, but we can all become better moms through encouragement of each other. If you had ideas or help tips, I'd love to hear them. Leave me a comment!!! :)

School Closings

Georgia doesn't usually get too much snow, but tonight it's snowing and there is such an excitement in the air, despite the roads being totally empty. What makes this snowfall different than the normal once a year dusting of snow we get is that it is COLD-brutally cold!! The low is supposed to bottom out at 17* tomorrow morning at 6am, just in time to start getting up and getting the kids ready for their 7am bus pickup. The snow isn't going to melt like it normally does. This snow is going to turn to ice on the roads and since there are no plow trucks, no salt and a bunch of drivers who are too afraid to drive anywhere, I think it's going to be extremely slick. I've been pushing refresh on my screen every 10 minutes or so, waiting to see if the county cancels classes. Of course ALL the counties around us are closed, but not us. A friend had posted on Facebook about wanting her kids to have tomorrow off and another friend asked Am I a bad mom? I hated "A's" school being cancelled" (A is her daughters initial. I removed the name.) I decided this was a good topic for a 'normal mom' blog. HECK NO you aren't a bad mom!!!! More than likely I am the bad mom. I'm lazy and don't want to have to get up early. If the kids have school, that means getting up at 6:30am and getting 3 of them off to the bus by 7. Seth then will need to get up and finish his homework before going to the bus at 8:30. Yes, they'd be gone all day and I could get some much needed housework done (or even take a nap!!!) but sleeping in sounds heavenly too! The kids also missed a couple of days of school this week because they were sick and so have a lot of work to make up. By not going to school tomorrow, that will give them something to do during the day and they can get caught up. Yep, I'm probably the bad mom. My reasons for my kids staying home are pretty selfish ones, but that's ok. It's nothing an extra couple hours of sleep in the morning won't make me feel better about. Now, I'm off to check for school closings.....

Potty Training

I HATE potty training! Jacob turns 3 on Saturday and it's time, but he doesn't seem to realize that! He got new Thomas the Train big boy pants from Santa for Christmas and I was sure that would get him excited. Nope. He'll go sit on the toilet for all of about 30 seconds, proudly proclaim he's done and start to climb down. I tried today to make him stay there and tried to talk to him about what to do. I turned on water. We waited. And we waited. After about 5 minutes, he gets down and declares that he's done. I've done the whole timer thing where we go in there every 15 minutes but that doesn't work. I know all the lines of "He'll get it in his own time" but I don't like his time! I want it now, gosh darn it. Anyone have any amazing tips for potty training? You'd think that by kid #5 I'd have this down pat, but I don't. :(

My purpose

I've spent the last few days pouring over blogs by moms who appear to be "SuperMoms". I read some great posts, but they seemed to be so focused and organized. It left me feeling a bit down and like I'm not succeeding at this thing we call 'Motherhood'. My kids don't do all the chores around my house. Shoot, the majority of the time I can't even get the to make their beds or pick up their dirty clothes. I don't homeschool. I don't make everything from scratch or create perfectly well balanced meals. I didn't babywear or use cloth diapers. I WAS a stay at home mom until my husband and I decided to both go back to school to become chiropractors, and I have to say that I'm much more fulfilled now that I'm outside of my home for several hours a day. I used to say I loved being a stay at home mom and I didn't need to be outside my house, but once I actually discovered adult conversation and life outside the walls of my abode, I realized I really did need that part of a life. Spending the last 4 weeks off of school has left me excited and anxious to go back next week. My husband isn't the perfect model of dad or husband. He's human just like myself.

That said, we are both Christians, just trying to live a life that is God approved but not being ultra religious about it. We aren't into religion, rules or even guidelines of how our lives should be lived out. We are about a personal relationship with Jesus, and because it IS personal, you may never hear us tell you much about it. If you are in conversation with us, you will know we are Christians, but we aren't going to push it on you or even use "Jesus" or "God" in every other sentence.

I've read on all these other blogs about how the couples are 'allowing Jesus to guide how many kids they have'. While this may work for them, it's not for me! When Tim (my husband) and I got married, I had wanted 3 kids, he had wanted 8. After 4, we truly knew we were done. God DID surprise us with a 5th, despite us using "protection". I now have an IUD in place and can honestly say that if I have another baby, it IS because of God, not because of me just not caring what happens. I used to tell my mother in law that if God wanted me to have more kids, I could have my uterus taken out and I'd STILL get pregnant. I believe that God IS that big and capable. ;) I believe that while it's good for some to turn this area of their lives over to God, I also feel that God wants us to take responsibility for our families and our lives. I believe that God wants us to make responsible and wise decisions, and for me, 5 kids is PLENTY!!! (I WOULD like to adopt some day, probably when my youngest is about 7 or so.)

I'll share with you about my family in a later blog, but for now, I want to close by saying "WELCOME" to all the normal, everyday moms who are just trying to survive another day. To all the moms who dream of being a SuperMom, but their circumstances keep them from it. We are in this journey together! I know that you've read those other blogs out there that left you feeling you were incapable. I'm here to tell you "You aren't alone!!!" I hope you will visit me often and leave your feedback. As I get better with design, I'll (hopefully) add more to this blog. Until then, stop in and see me again soon!! I'll be here, trying to survive another day.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkdgK3adrmw
Marianne Williamson

As we start out this year, we have a chance to really let ourselves shine through. We have a choice to make on how we will live out the next year of our lives, how we will react in situations, how we will live each day. We are capable of great things, each one of us! Somewhere along the way, we've lost sight of that though. We've been told that we were incapable of excellence, that we were meant to live a life of 'simplicity' (ie. poverty), that we were meant to be 'just a mom' or 'just a wife'. We all had dreams of what we wanted. We all saw Cinderella in her castle or Sleeping Beauty being kissed by the prince, and our hearts skipped beat. Deep inside us, we all wanted that. We wanted to be swept off our feet. Now, our 'prince charming' is wearing holey sweatpants, drinking beer or sitting watching football, not sweeping us off our feet like he did during those early years of dating. But don't be fooled. WE have changed too! We've settled for the comfortable atmosphere of our homes, knowing that our husband will be there, despite our looks, weight or attitude. We forget to do our makeup, wear our hair pulled up most of the time and have our own holey sweatpants. (And yes, I'm sitting with my hair pulled up, no makeup on as I type this!!) We settle for the "This is how it was meant to be" or "this is how it's going to be so I just need to accept it" mentality.

It's time to change that mindset. We are ALL made for something bigger than mediocrity. We want our kids to strive to be the best they can be in their classes, their sports or their other activities, but we don't push ourselves the same way. Could it be that we are scared of what would happen if we demanded that same type of determination for ourselves? Could it be that we are scared of the person that we have hidden behind our extra 20, 40, 100 pounds? Could it be that if we became the person we were designed to be, that we might just find ourselves in a position of authority, in a place where people wanted to KNOW us and we were surrounded by friends.

In this near year, I challenge you to find yourself. Become the you that you were designed to be! God has called us to bigger and better. Make 2010 YOUR year to shine!!!!