Carved Pumpkins

I love Halloween! Every year, our house is full of pumpkins and fall leaves and cider & donuts and freshness of fall. I love watching the kids dress up in costumes and take on a different persona, if only for a day. It's fun to watch their personalities become the character they are dressed up as.

And pumpkin carving! Oh the mess, but oh the joy of watching something develop and be created on the round orange canvas. Usually the oldest two work together, the middle 2 create theirs and hubby helps with youngest, but this year I decided to let each kid try to carve their own. Jacob had gone to a pumpkin patch with his class a few weeks ago and we had hunted out the perfect little carving pumpkin for a 5 year old.

The stage was set.  The pumpkins laid out on the table and the search for designs ensued. My oldest son (age 14) is in marching band at school and we decided to try to create his band mascot on his pumpkin.My oldest daughter (age 11) is an avid animal lover so she chose a puppy dog to put on hers. The 10 year old loves MSU so a Spartan was her choice; the 8 year old loves skulls and skeletons so a skull face won and the youngest, well he just wanted a somewhat scary face.

The kids got right to work. Even Jacob jumped right in and got his hands dirty. Of course, hubby couldn't just help without adding to the mess. Oh no....instead, he decided to take the opportunity to teach the kids how to shoot pumpkin seeds at each other. (I'm STILL finding seeds all around the diningroom and livingroom!)

When it was all said and done, we had 5 fabulous pumpkins, and one that said "MOM".  Yep, that was about all the creativity I could muster at the time. The pumpkins now sit on the front porch, in the cold, rainy Michigan weather, awaiting Halloween and the guests who will come buy to see them.

Hermit Day meets International Internet Day

I'll admit that I tend to be a hermit and love sitting home and enjoying my house. I get in these moods where I don't want to see anyone, talk to anyone or hear anyone else's voices (except for the voices on my tv). October 29 marks both Hermit Day and International Internet Day. Ironic? Maybe. With the invention of the internet, it brought the entire world into our homes and at the convenience of our fingertips. It makes it easy to close ourselves off from people and yet still feel like we are being social.

I have to remind myself often that God made us to be social beings. He made us need relationships. He created us to be in relationship with HIM. When he created woman, he said "It is good for man not to be alone". Man needed relationship. The Bible also says "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.-- Ecclesiastes 4:12"

Over the past couple of years, I've come to realize that good friendships don't come easily. I've struggled at times as I've worked to define those relationships in my life and prioritized them. Back in June I went to a seminar that dealt with a very in depth certification of a form of life coaching called NeuroLinguistic Programming. One of the topics we dealt with was called Hierarchy of Relationships.   During this exercise, we were told to categorize our relationships into categories: strangers, acquaintances, friends, peers and cabinet. 

We had to define what each of these 5 layers looked like and create rules around each one as to what is our role and what is the other persons role. For instance a stranger is someone we don't know. The only real requirement is that they are breathing and in a place location that we are. An acquaintance is likely someone we have something in common with; it could be a mom at our kids soccer game or someone we see at church. Friends are someone a little closer. We've met them and had discussions with them possibly. Peers are people we see often and are closer friends with. They likely are there when we need them and we are there for them. A requirement in this might be that they will never lie to us or harm our family and we would do the same with them. Our inner cabinet will be our inner circle. They are the ones who will drop anything to help us if we need it. They are the ones that we call on in the middle of the night when we have a death in the family or something tragic has happened. They are also the ones that we work with for our personal growth. We can run ideas by them and know they will help us with those inner struggles and not judge us. 

Understanding our relationships in this way really helps to solidify the relationships in our lives. For those of us who tend to have our hermit moments, understanding our friendships in this way really shows us where to spend out time. So, on this Hermit Day, I challenge you to really evaluate the relationships around you. Create your hierarchy and what rules and requirements are necessary for each level, then place every one you know into one of the layers-every family member, church friend, neighbor, etc. You may find that your spouse isn't even in your cabinet, and that's ok. 

I truly believe you will find this exercise as freeing as I did! I found that many of my relationships were one sided and that it was ok for me to stop trying so hard to save friendships that weren't really there. Some of those I have thought to be 'close friends' actually ended up in my acquaintances or friends instead of my peers and cabinet. And that's ok too!

If you do this exercise, I'd love to hear from you and find out how it affected you and what you learned from it. 




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National Chocolate Day

October 28 is National Chocolate Day. Talk about the perfect 'holiday'. I say that we get rid of some of the other holidays and turn them all into chocolate holidays! It's amazing to me to think that there are people who don't like chocolate. How is that possible? My husband had a friend who was part of the dating world and we joked that the only requirements that "I" had (because you know that's important since she will be hanging out with our group) was that she had to like chocolate. If she didn't like chocolate, I didn't care how amazing she might be. I simply can't imagine a life without it!! Halloween is still 3 days away, but this holiday gives us a perfect chance to dive into the chocolate before the 31st gets here.

In honor of this amazing holiday, I'm sharing a few of my favorites from Pinterest

Mile High Chocolate Cake

For all the gluten free fans, here's one for you! 

Flourless espresso chocolate mousse cake

And for the paleo fans how about a chocolate donut??


I hope you had a great National Chocolate Day and that you will share with us your favorite chocolate recipes & desserts!

Funeral Procession-by Ellis Wilson

Growing up, I remember seeing this picture on wall at the Huxtables house. It was part of just about every household in America for years. It always hung on their wall in their living room but was never really discussed; it just 'was'. Today I happened to see the picture online and decided to look it up, not realizing that it was supposed to be a funeral procession, which happens to also be the name of the piece. On the Cosby Show, Claire Huxtable supposedly won the picture in an auction for $11,000! She claimed that the picture was created by her great uncle Ellis (Ellis Wilson is the creator of the piece). According to Wikipedia, the most that any Ellis Wilson painting went for was $300 so the price that Claire paid was quite extravagant!  

What a great piece though. Looking closely you see that there are no faces; no expressions; no emotions. In understanding the days of slavery, many of the slaves weren't allowed to have weddings or funerals or parties or show much emotion. The faceless people, to me, represent the people who lost their names, their families, their true identities due to slavery. The piece also shows children standing with their parents and family, which follows up my post about the importance of kids being at funerals. It also seems to show a long line of funeral goers coming to say their goodbyes. This was a very loved person at this funeral. Each woman is bringing flowers to adorn the body and graveside as they come to say their goodbyes and pay their respect.

I fell in love with this picture thanks to the Cosby Show and still love it to this day. I used to dream that it was hanging in my house, and still would love to have it as a piece of artwork someday. It's always spoken volumes to my heart. 

~*~Sunday Simplicity~*~ 10/28/12

10 things I learned this week about death &funerals:

Yes, I took a picture at the cemetery. 

10. Funeral homes still smell funny.

9. Getting the family ready to go is as bad as a Sunday morning. There WILL be arguments and fighting and you WILL run late.

8. Family members who haven't been around for YEARS will suddenly show up, crying and emotional, and acting like they always cared.

7. Funeral processions are an accident waiting to happen! Driving behind an off duty police officer makes it even worse. Speed up, slam on the brakes. Repeat.

6. Everyone will 'know you when you were this big' but have no clue who you are now.

5. Funerals are full of cliches, but so many people rely on those for comfort and peace so they become part of every Christian funeral.

4. People will surprise you. The ones you expect to be there for you, aren't and the ones you never expect, show up! You will quickly learn a lot about the relationships in your life.

3. People really mean the best when they give you a hug and say "I'm so sorry for your loss"

2. Death is final, but memories are not.

1. Raw emotions are incredibly powerful and can overtake you at any time. There is a quote I found that says  “Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.”

Autumn is full of "F words"

Fall has always been my favorite time in Michigan and something I missed while in Georgia. The cool crisp air, the frost on the ground, the cool winds and rainy days. I saw a status of a friend on Facebook today that said "This status brought to you by the letter F: Flannel Pajamas, Fuzzy sweatshirt, furry slippers and fire in the fireplace." Grant it, she's in Tennessee, but I thought that this was the perfect status for a Michigan fall. Tonight, as my kids are curled up under blankets watching Cars 2 for the millionth time, I have on my fuzzy pj pants, my furry socks, my fluffy sweatshirt and my husband just built a fire in the fireplace. It's nights like these, that no matter what the bank account may say, no matter how much fighting the kids did through the day, no matter what turmoils have gone on....all seems right with the world!

Autumn has a smell that is unique only to it's days. The scent of autumn  brings with it such a warmth in the soul. The smell of the fresh earth, the harvest happening, the leaves burning in a pile; the smell of fresh pumpkin pie or apple cider. While the winds begin to turn colder, the smells of this season are warm and inviting. Such a friendly, inviting time of year. 

“At no other time (than autumn) does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke

A beautiful autumn day at Life University in 2011.

Kids at funerals

Yesterday we buried my grandma after a long bought with Alzheimer's disease. I'll admit to not having seen her in 10 years when she moved from Michigan to Tennessee. I couldn't bring myself to watch as this disease  slowly took her away from us. As she got worse, she would tell my mom and dad that I had come to visit her. At first they would try to convince her that I didn't and that I lived in Georgia (at the time). My mom one time asked her what I was wearing and she mentioned a little white dress and bonnet. There is a picture of me in a little white dress and bonnet playing the piano at her old house when I was maybe 2 years old. Grandma was going back and remembering me as a baby and really thought that I was visiting her. We no longer argued that I wasn't there. If she believed it, and it made her happy, then let her think I was really coming to visit. Seeing me as an adult would just confuse her more.

I wasn't going to take the kids to the funeral as they would have to miss a day of school, inevitably have work to make up, and give me one more thing to have to deal with at the funeral, but I decided that I really needed to take them, not only for the kids but also for the other family and guests. I think that kids at funerals have a way of reminding us that life, does in fact, go on. If it wasn't for my grandma, my kids wouldn't be here...my dad wouldn't be alive, which means that I wouldn't, and therefore my kids wouldn't. My grandma's heritage is in her grandkids and great grandkids.....all 9 grandkids and 18 great grandkids

Kids also have a way of lightening up a mood at a funeral. When we went up to the casket, my kids, the youngest of whom had never met my grandma, stood there staring at the body with some confusion and concern in their eyes. We talked about death and I explained it by using an analogy of a glove. When we take our hand out of the glove, the glove is still there, but the hand inside it is gone. The same is true with death. When someone dies, they leave their body. The body is still there, but the person them self is with Jesus. After we sat back down, Jacob asked me if he could go back up to the casket and look again. I told him that he didn't need to and asked him why he wanted to. He took a deep breath and said "Because I need to make some more memories of her".  I had to giggle a bit but told him we'd look at some pictures and talk about some memories. After the funeral was over, he asked me where Papa (my dad) was and that he had to go find him. I pointed him in the direction and he gave my dad a huge hug and said "Papa, I'm so sorry about your mom. But don't worry. She's safe with Jesus now". It's these moments at a funeral that help us smile. Kids can be so in tune with the spirit world and so in tune with emotions and feelings. 

Then there are the downright humerous moments.  My cousins little boy is 6. He's watched grandma go through the battle with this disease as he lived near her in TN and saw her often. As he and my nephew (age 5) were standing by the casket at the wake, my nephew was a bit wide eyed and concerned. My cousins little boy comes up and says "She looks great! You should have seen her before!" It's a moment we will talk about for a long time.

Carson was right! Grandma truly did look great! The funeral home did a great job with preparing her and she looked just like the grandma that I remember. As I look back on the day, the flowers were beautiful, but will quickly be forgotten. The service was nice, but not something I'll remember 5 years down the road. But the things my kids said and did will live with me forever. I think it's important for them to see the raw emotions that happen at funerals. I think it's important for them to start to form an understanding of life and death. I think it's an important part of family dynamics to have the kids around. It's important to also have an understanding of the child and their ability to cope at the funeral and there are several important things to know and remember when making the decision on whether to bring the kids.

1. Kids often don't have the fear of a deceased body that adults think they do. While they may be a bit stand offish or stand back several feet from the body, they often have an intrigue and once it's explained, they settle in and embrace the situation. 

2. Remember that young kids understand things on a very simplistic level. Don't try to over complicate with too many details and information. Give information as kids seem to be asking for it.  

3. Allow the child a say in the process. If when the family goes up to the casket, if the child seems to not be handling the situation as well as hoped, do not force them to go up with you. Allow them to sit in their seat until you return. Kids often know better than we do what they are able to handle in a situation like this one. 

4. Prepare the child ahead of time as much as is possible. Kids like to have the 'facts' and understand the basics. Who, what, when, where and why go a long ways in explaining the details. Explain to them who all will be there and what will be happening at each step. For my kids, we explained on the way that they would see a lot of people crying because this is a sad day for many people. We explained that their great grandma would be laying in a big 'box' and that she would look like she was sleeping.  When we sat down in the service, I explained to them what was going to happen next. I talked about the pastor was going to talk to us about grandma and heaven and her being with Jesus now. At the end of the service, I explained that now everyone was going to be dismissed and they would walk past the casket to say their last goodbyes and that the family would stay behind to say our goodbyes together. When we were leaving the funeral home for the cemetery  we stopped for a second to look into the back of the hearse and explained they would put grandma in the back and drive very slowly to the cemetery  There were lots of questions on the way about why we were able to go through the red lights, why we were driving so slowly, etc. 

5. Allow children the freedom to ask questions. 

6. I believe that it's important to have kids at a funeral of someone who they may not be as 'close to' in the beginning. By exposing them to the process and the emotions, it allows them to better understand, and have fewer questions, down the road when they may have to attend a funeral for someone closer to them such as a grandparent, a classmate or close family friend. 

7. Lastly, remember that kids grieve in their own way. Some of them may cry, and that's ok. My 11 year old didn't know my grandma, but just the raw emotions of those around her affected her. She  saw my mom crying and went over and hugged her and as she was hugging her, a tear trickled down my daughters cheek. Each child needs the freedom to grieve in the way they see fit, just as we as adults all grieve differently. 

The kids will be kids but the compassion they can bring and the emotions they can share can live on forever in the heart of the grieving.



My Grandma's Obituary:  Grandma, We love you!!!

HIBBS, VICTORIA (Wilkinson Lokey); of Ashland City, Tennessee, formerly of Pontiac; went home to be with her Lord on October 22, 2012; at the age of 83. Preceded in death by her husband, Raymond M. Hibbs; and her daughter, Rachel Cross; loving mother of Raymond D. (Julie) of Pleasant View, Tennessee, Ronald (Roberta) of Waterford, and Michael of Pleasant View, Tennessee; mother-in-law of Charles Cross of Pontiac; beloved grandmother of 9 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren; also survived by her husband, James Lokey; and sisters, Marguerite Stuart, Mildred McCarrick, Vivian Mettler; and many nieces and nephews. Victoria worked at several area restaurants and apartment complexes before moving to Tennessee ten years ago. Funeral Services will be Friday, October 26, 2012, 11 a.m. at the RIVERSIDE CHAPEL, Simpson-Modetz Funeral Home, 5630 Pontiac Lake Road, Waterford. Officiating Pastor Roger Sykes and Pastor Michael Elliott. The family will receive friends at the funeral home Thursday 3 to 8 p.m. Interment Perry Mount Park Cemetery. Memorials may be made to Avalon Hospice. Online guestbook 
www.modetzfuneralhomes.com

Make this your year

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkdgK3adrmw

Marianne Williamson

As we start out this year, we have a chance to really let ourselves shine through. We have a choice to make regarding how we will live out the next year of our lives, how we will react in situations, how we will live each day. We are capable of great things, each one of us! Somewhere along the way, we've lost sight of that though. We've been told that we were incapable of excellence, that we were meant to live a life of 'simplicity' (ie. poverty), that we were meant to be 'just a mom' or 'just a wife'. We all had dreams of what we wanted. We all saw Cinderella in her castle or Sleeping Beauty being kissed by the prince, and our hearts skipped a beat. Deep inside of us, we all wanted that. We wanted to be swept off our feet. Now, our 'prince charming' is wearing holey sweatpants, drinking beer or sitting watching football, not sweeping us off our feet like he did during those early years of dating. But don't be fooled. WE have changed too! We've settled for the comfortable atmosphere of our homes, knowing that our husband will be there, despite our looks, weight or attitude. We forget to do our makeup. We wear our hair pulled up most of the time and have our own holey sweatpants. (And yes, I'm sitting with my hair pulled up, and no makeup on as I type this!!) We settle for the "This is how it was meant to be" or "this is how it's going to be so I just need to accept it" mentality. 

It's time to change that mindset. We are ALL made for something bigger than mediocrity. We want our kids to strive to be the best they can be in their classes, their sports or their other activities, but we don't push ourselves the same way. Could it be that we are scared of what would happen if we demanded that same type of determination for ourselves? Could it be that we are scared of the person that we have hidden behind our extra 20, 40, 100 pounds? Could it be that if we became the person we were designed to be, that we might just find ourselves in a position of authority, in a place where people wanted to KNOW us and we were surrounded by friends. 

In this near year, I challenge you to find yourself. Become the you that you were designed to be! God has called us to bigger and better. Make 2012 YOUR year to shine!!!!

Life of Compassion

Today, as we begin a brand new year, I had planned to really start to enjoy life, look for the daily miracles and things to be thankful for and begin blogging on a more regular basis about those small miracles and pleasures of life. God had an interesting part to play, as He always does. I received a message from an acquaintance that stated she needed to let me know that a mutual friend had either committed suicide or was in the process of committing suicide. Some mutual friends were on the way to her house to check on her. When the police and paramedics got to the house, she was definitely in a drugged up state. Nothing would be done, however, because she was conscious and didn't want to go to the hospital. The friends spent some time with her and called me to come and join them. I raced over to the house and was shocked with what I saw. Here was a house that hadn't been cleaned in awhile, dirty dishes piled everywhere, covered in mold, coffee grounds and cigarette ashes covering every square inch of the kitchen. She had not eaten in 2 days, and I'm assuming by the incredible dog urine smell and the piles of feces in the office, that the dogs hadn't been taken care of for several days either. My heart sunk as I walked down the hallway to find my friend, lying in her bed in a drugged stupor. This is not what a new year is meant to be! I began talking to her, taking over for those who were in the room and giving them a break. I laid down next to her in bed and began to rub her head, partially to calm her, but also to check for bumps as she had fallen 3x the night before. 

I had just set out today to begin the "One Thousand Gifts" adventure. When I logged on to one of the blogs I follow, I was shocked to find reference to the book. The blog post started with "You are worthless". "All you do is disappoint people". "You will never be enough". These are the demons in my head. And in the minds of the children we serve. Rich or poor, Satan wants to entrap us. For the children we serve, Satan wants to convince them that the absence of material wealth equals the absence of love from a Heavenly Father. For those of us in the developed world, that negative voice might be just as loud, but for different reasons.

Years ago, I began making agreements with evil. I listened to these voices spouting hatred at me, these voices saying there was nothing special about me. Believing the lies led to crippling despair.

All I could think about was how bad I am. Shame overwhelmed. I felt trapped inside of myself.

Paralyzed.

All I could do was lie on the couch, watching the beautiful and exciting people on TV. Criticizing myself that my life wasn’t as interesting as the characters I saw, or that I could never fit into an actress’s tiny dress." Courtesy of Compassion International: http://blog.compassion.com/ann-voskamp-one-thousand-gifts-the-key-that-unlocks/#ixzz1iGa8JGcJ

These are the voices my friend has been hearing. The voices of defeat and loneliness, despair and hopelessness. Satan wants to keep us in the state, where we are desperate, but where the true answers to help us are blurred by his lies. As I was seeking God tonight, trying to find meaning in this crazy start to the new year, He clearly said that 2011 was a bad year for many, but especially my friend. For her, as for many around us, it was a year of death. He reminded me of Ecclesiastes and the idea of a time for everything. She tried to end her 2011 by ending her own life, killing the death that was destroying her. For her 2012 entered in at just the right time and sustained her. Life won again! For her, 2012 is a year of life. Her strength in her lungs, her beating heart, the small pulsings of her brain were stronger than the death she tried to induce and the voices that tried to kill her.  2012 is about life anew!

What about me, Oh God? What is the meaning of today for me? His answer was that it's about compassion and servanthood....two things I'm not that great in. It's about GIVING that life to those around me! Unleashing beauty and helping others to realize their truths. What a tall order!   It's going to be one that is going to have to be a daily surrender on my part. A journey of having to build myself up in Jesus so that I am filled and ready to give it all to those around me. It's a gift....one that I'm being given, in order to give away. 

Praying a blessed 2012 for those who may read this. I hope you will follow me on this journey, and when I slack off on my posts, remind me to get back in the game and revive the broken around me. 

I've slacked...again

Man, with my addiction to facebook, I forget that I have this blog. I really want to keep a running blog though and be able to really track all our fun activities so this is my goal for this next year. Tim and I are only a few short months from graduating (me in 6 months and Tim in 9) so these next several months will be BUSY ones for us and there will be lots to talk about I'm sure.

This month, Seth and I had a great opportunity as Seth was chosen by his band director to go to UGA for a band festival. Once there, Seth auditioned for placement in one of 9 bands. He spent the rest of the weekend in rehearsals and practices, learning the songs.

 Waiting to Audition with over 100 other percussionists

Seth was placed in the #4 band so really good overall. Truth of the matter was that of all the bands, he was put in the best one from a percussionist standpoint. The conductor for his band had chosen some great songs that really allowed the various percussion instruments to really be heard and perform. Had he been in any of the #1-3 bands, the percussion sections were really not heard over the rest of the instruments or their parts were not very good.

On the last day, we spent some time driving around taking pictures of Seth proudly sporting his MSU shirt on the UGA campus. January 2, MSU faces UGA in the Outback Bowl so we made sure to show our MSU pride as much as we could this weekend!  GO GREEN!

This was a great opportunity for Seth and he learned so much. Up until this point he's told me that he wants to do marching band in high school but he's now saying that he wants to stay in the actual band and join a percussion ensemble. He  learned this weekend that he'll have more opportunities to play more instruments in the percussion section than he would if he was in drum line. Either way, I think that high school is going to be a great experience for him with his percussion skills.